Let me start with a little background. In my previous life, before motherhood that is, I worked...a lot! I had a great job traveling the country training volunteers and making presentations for
Tread Lightly!. It was great. I loved the independence. I loved interacting with all walks of life, and loved the travel, from backwoods Alabama (and a fried food buffet!) to driving across Alaska (Amazing!!). And if ever asked when I would have kids I would give the inquirer a deadpan look to accompany my emphatic "never." It makes me so sad to think back on that now. I have to admit I was naive, prideful, selfish, and mostly afraid. The thought of having kids, from the pregnancy and birth right on through the teenage years, terrified me.
It was so much easier to just work and play. In 2006, after a particularly busy few months of travel, that I awoke one morning to realize I was pregnant....that is a whole other story. I had no idea what I was going to do. Immediately I started calculating a plan on how I was going to balance work and baby. I liked the idea of being a stay at home mom but I wasn't sure if it was really for me. I knew my baby would need me, but I was sure I needed work. That validation. Accomplishment. And what do you do all day with a baby anyway!? (ha....ha ha ha.....so naive!)
Then things started to change. My body. My hormones. My perspective. Maybe it was the books that I had started to read (gotta love all the pregnancy books) Maybe it was thinking about something other than "me." Maybe it was the grace of God. Whatever it was life started leading me down a path that only a few months prior I would have had disdain for. (I was such a brat! Kicking myself still.)
Soon, much to the astonishment of those closest too me I was talking about natural birth (when I used tear up at the thought of labor), breastfeeding till my baby was 18 months, making my own baby food, and my hope to be a full time, stay at home mom.
I did try to continue working. But in the end I walked away from that job that I had invested so much time and parts of myself in. It was a torturous decision at the time. Jon got many a tearful call from me when I
faltered in my resolve. But, as we all know now it worked out for the best. It wasn't the end of the world! Who knew! And who knew that I would find so much joy in being a mom? Seriously! I had no idea it would be as
fulfilling and challenging, fun and exhausting.
Don't get me wrong, there were many a time when I pictured my life as it once was and longed for the escape and challenge that came along with a 9 to 5 job. When Jon and I found our way back to Utah and
Silv was about 18 months old I was ready for a little more structure to my day. I did a little bit of nannying but that ended when I found out I was pregnant with baby Berg. Managing one kid along with four charges was one thing but I was sure I wouldn't be able to handle two (Six total, yikes!)
Then a month or so ago my old work friend Monica was visiting with her new baby. She was working part time from home. For some reason I mentioned that I was looking for some work too. One thing led to another and suddenly I was working for Tread Lightly! again. Not the same exact work but its something that is familiar, that I enjoy and a new challenge. Most challenging (other than formulating sentences that didn't sound like a 5
th grader wrote them) has been
disciplining myself to stick to a schedule and utilize my down time.
So, short story really long....my life has come full circle, in a sense. I know there are many more twists and turns down this life path. Though right now I'm enjoying dabbling a bit in my former life. Enough about me... more about my sweet kiddos to come.
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Post edit:
I didn't clarify the moral to the story very well. The whole point in my long winded explaination was to say that I feel like I kinda have the best of both worlds (although we all know that can't last forever.) I feel pretty blessed to be able to stay home with my kids while taking a few hours a week to dabble in the working world. That's all. The End....or To Be Continued.... (time will tell.)
